Dear Tom Brady,
Tom. Thomas. Mr. Brady. Eventually, some will come to call you, the G.O.A.T. It’s no secret that you are quite possibly the greatest football player to ever play the quarterback position. You will go down as a legend in this game, whether it is merited or not, all of which is up for debate. Your career has been filled with wins, losses, accolades, MVP’s and more importantly, championships. So much so, that you’ve surpassed and supplanted the previous great, Joe Montana. There is no doubt that you’ve accomplished so much in this game of football. Like I stated earlier, all of that is and will be up for debate. But, that is not why I am writing you this letter. In fact, I personally admire everything that you have come to accomplish in your football career.
You’ve faced incredible odds and crushed them. You overcame and stood tall against all of the so-called “Brady haters”. You even went up against the evil judge himself, NFL Commissioner Rodger Goodell. Although, you did take a loss in the form of a four game suspension, you came back swinging. And swung you did, for you went on to win the Super Bowl the following season, giving you the last laugh of sorts. Just when everyone thought you were going to ride off into the sunset with that epic Super Bowl comeback against the Atlanta Falcons, you surprised the world yet again and returned for another season of football at the age of forty! Man, is there anything you can’t do?
Anyways, enough with the praises and let me get to the purpose of my letter. I am humbly asking a request from you personally, Tom. It’s nothing too dramatic or anything vastly significant. In fact, you don’t even have to send me anything at all. All that I’m asking for is that you have an extremely shitty game. If you could like throw five interceptions, have a couple fumbles, and get sacked a bunch of times that would be great. That’s all, nothing too fancy. Can you do that for me, Tom? Can you do your boy this one tiny favor? I mean, you have a bunch of Super Bowl trophies already. I think you could spare just this one (or many more your choice). I’d really appreciate if you would do that for me, Tom. You would be doing Philly and every Eagles fan out there a tremendous service if you could just go out there and just have one shit game. You would go down in Philly history! I think you alone would solve racism in the city of Brotherly love if you could do this for us, Tom. Think about it; Tom Brady ends racism in Philly. You’d add another thing to your already long list of accomplishments (between you and I…I think this would be the greatest thing you’ve accomplished personally). So, how about it? Do we have a deal, Tom? Could you go out there this Sunday and just throw up a stinker? I and all of Eagle nation would greatly appreciate you if you would. Come on. You know you wanna!
An avid Eagles fan!