You know? I’ve always had this idea about what love was. I thought it was this fabulous feeling that would take over you and would be everything you need to be in a strong and stable relationship (well, according to Disney anyway). Naïve me always thought that love was enough. As I grew older and experienced several heartbreaks, I began to see “love” for what it is, an emotion. Albeit, just a tad stronger than lust. I know I’m going to catch some hell for this, but love isn’t really enough (there I said it). In fact, I look at love as a crippling emotion. Now, before you jump all on my nuts screaming, “how dare you, Vlad!” or “are you serious right now?” Hear me out. I say love is crippling, because it doesn’t allow you to do what’s necessary in order to maintain a healthy relationship. Sure, love is a great feeling and everyone wants to experience that feeling, but to what extent? Are you willing to stay in an abusive relationship, because you “love” him/her? Are you willing to cheat on your significant other, because you’ve grown bored over the years, but aren’t willing to call it off, because you ‘love’ him/her? It’s nonsense if you think about it. If love was this supposed strong emotion and the cure for all of our relationship woes, then more people would be in healthier relationships. Divorce rates would be low, not high. People wouldn’t cheat on their partners (though I do have a couple of theories on this). I’m just saying love isn’t as strong as you thought it was.
Let’s be honest here, we have this delusion of what love really is. We think love is all sunshine and rainbows. It is not! Love is a bonding agent, glue if you will. And in order for this bonding agent to perform its job satisfactorily, certain conditions must be met within the relationship. It is not the answer to all, but it does play a part. Here’s my reality perspective on the emotion. Love is supposed to help you make the right decisions when it comes to your relationship. Because, let’s face it, we are humans after all and we have certain desires and needs that must be met. If you aren’t willing to satisfy those desires, why are you with that person? Love allows you to be your true self without fear. It helps you make the right decisions of maintaining a healthy relationship. Ya feel me? It drives me nuts hearing people say, “all you need is love”, like bitch, No! You need way more than to keep a relationship strong. Like all emotions, love eventually fades. Then what? What are you supposed to do in your relationship when that feeling fades?
Again, I don’t want you to think that I’m bashing love. I am not. I’m being pragmatic about the whole concept of it. Honestly, I see and hear people throw that word around and not understand the concept behind it. Personally, I think people are in love with the convenience of what love brings. Think about it. How many relationships/marriages have you witnessed, where they are saying to each other, “I love you” “Or ‘til death do us part “only to turn around and break up with that person the following week or divorce in a couple of months? I’ve personally lost count. So I know you are in the same boat. So yes, I think people are more in love with the convenience that love brings, rather than actually being in love. Looking back at all the breakups I’ve been a part of and witnessed, the first thing I can recount is the amount of times, I’ve said the “L” word or heard the “L” word in an attempt to win that individual back. Did I really love that person? I don’t know. Maybe, but I can honestly tell you now, looking back on it, I did not mean a word of it in the past. It was a desperate attempt to try to salvage the relationship.
Why do we do that? Well, let’s attempt to answer that question, shall we? I think we do this because we are afraid of being alone. For guys, we are afraid of losing the promise of pussy and for women; you are afraid of losing a potential mate or life partner (your choice). That being said, we will suffer through an unhealthy relationship and convince ourselves that we love the other person, when in reality, we aren’t. It’s striking how we can trick ourselves into accepting much less than what we deserve. Again, I say this, because love is not this end all be all emotion that is going to save or strengthen your relationship. There are numerous couples out there that are still married to one another and hate each other, but when asked publicly about their feelings towards their spouse, they’ll tell you they are in love. Yet resent each other behind closed doors. Is that love? If that’s how you define love, then you got some serious issues, homie.
Love is an interesting emotion. Do I feel love? Of course I do. I love my mom, I love my family, I love my girlfriend, I love what I do for a living and I love my passions. To me, I’ve learned what love truly is and how it functions. I don’t throw the word around all loosey-goosey. To me, it has meaning and it has impact. We all need to take a closer look at how we define and use the word. I think we use the word too often and it’s lost its value. It’s not a saving grace; it’s an emotion that is strong enough to let the other person know how you feel. Do not wield it as a weapon in a pathetic attempt to win back your significant other or as a hip new lingo to say you like someone. It’s a powerful word that elicits other emotions. Use it wisely!
Here’s a podcast version for your audio pleasure: Is Love All You Really Need In A Relationship?